Face it, you went out last night. I know this because I woke up to 63 texts about how I needed to meet up with you and that you weren’t that drunk. Anytime you have to remind me how not-drunk you are is about the same time you hit on that Rosie O’Donnell tranny in the corner, I’m not buying it. But nooooo don’t tell anyone that you went out, you promise it was only for one drink and you had to be nice to all of your friends that you haven’t seen in 6 hourssssss…. and you have a 5K you’re training for…. ohhh myyy goddddd. Shut Up.
I’m not here to make your hangover go away, that’s what counseling is for.
What I am here to do is to help you figure out what you have to do to keep that stellar body and make sure that you don’t have a heart attack after the first 24 steps of your 5K.
I’ll conveniently separate the workouts by how you are feeling right now, since you obviously cannot remember what you drank last night. This way, you don’t have to think, just get your ass off the bathroom floor, put on some shoes and wipe the mess off your face. Also, since you probably lost your keys, are sleeping at a stranger’s(s’) house, and forgot your wallet at the bar, each of these workouts conveniently require no equipment (heels optional).
Key: If you didn’t get blacked out white girl wasted last night then here is a convenient key to help you figure out which workout to do. Otherwise, take our word for it.
Bud Light: 99 Calories
Bud Heavy: 146 Calories
Red Wine: 106 Calories
White Wine: 100 Calories
80 Proof Alcohol: 97 Calories
Diet Coke: 8 Calories
Coke: 136 Calories
Note #2: Notice “Vodka Diet” has more calories than a light beer, alcohol no matter what the source has 7 KCal/gram of pure distilled spirits. Take a look at our Beer Bellies story that helps explain why “Beer” is not the direct cause of the “Freshmen 15” or weight gains for casual drinkers.
How Do You Feel?
$1,000,000 Bucks! HAHA How Do You Guys Feel!?!
Okay you had 2 beers last night, way to go slugger!
What You Drank: 2-3 beers, a glass of wine, or a couple shots: ~100-300 calories
How To Work It Off: 15-20 Minute Run, get in about 2 miles.
Slightly Disoriented, Faint Buzzing In Your Head
We had a good time until you passed out early
What You Drank: 4-5 beers, a couple glasses of wine, a few shots or a mixture of the above: ~400-500 calories
How To Work It Off: 15-20 Minute Warmup Run with 20-25 Minutes of Calisthenics (Push-Ups, Sit-Ups, Etc.)
Heavy Head, Nappy Taste In Your Mouth
Typical Saturday Night, we pre-gamed and headed to your favorite place, nothing too crazy.
What You Drank: 6-7 beers, a few glasses of wine, a few shots or a mixture of the above: ~600-800 calories
How To Work It Off: 45-60 Minute Run, 60-75 Minute Bike, or a few games of basketball
2nd Heart Beat In Your Head, Scared To Open Your Eyes
Why did you convince us it was a good idea to open up that Cabernet?
What You Drank: 8-10 beers, a bottle of wine, a few shots or a mixture of the above: ~800-1000+ calories
How To Work It Off: Here’s where it gets difficult, probably wait until the afternoon and make sure you drink plenty of water when you wake up. Once you’re ready, I guess even if you’re not, head out for a leisurely 20 minute run, when you’re done stretch for a little bit and head over to the gym. Blast out one of our daily CrossFit workouts, I promise you’ll feel better when it’s over. If you have time shoot some hoops or take a dip, the steam room wouldn’t be a terrible idea either.
Muscles Unresponsive, Confused How to Get Up and Walk
WTF happened last night….
What You Drank: Half a case, 2 bottles of wine, and 6 jagerbombs. That’s my best guess as to the contents of our bathroom floor: ~1200-2000+ calories
How To Work It Off: Faith is not lost! But your Sunday may be. At this point it’s Sunday night and the only productive thing you’ve done all day is make it to the couch. Family Guy just ended on Fox and you’re contemplating going back to bed. DON’T. Get on your bike, lace up your shoes, or pick up a ball. You need at least a 90 Minute Bike or Run, probably closer to 2 hours if you have the will and power over your stomach. Make sure you stay hydrated and eat something that can sustain a hefty workout. 25 miles on the bike, 10 miles on foot, 2.5 miles in the water, or a few series on the court should do it.
It’s okay to go out, by all means we encourage it! Just make sure you have a plan set during the week or on Sunday to get in some good cardio and will yourself back in shape. Just because you went hard on the weekend doesn’t mean you have to stop eating or you can’t go out on Monday night, just keep yourself under control and have the will power to push yourself to some uncomfortable places if you enjoyed yourself a little much over the weekend.
Drink It On, Work It Off!
Athletic Ale 